The Ultimate Maturity Test For Men — That Consists Of One Simple Sentence

Based on my experience, it works like a charm.

Joanna Henderson
Jun 4 · 6 min read
Licensed via Freepik

Finding a mature partner can be a challenge. And while maturity isn’t one of the main reasons couples break up, it can be a deal-breaker for many individuals, myself included.

According to the studies, men mature later compared to women. Does it mean ladies are more mature? Not in every instance, since people are very different. I have met a lot of grown-up men and immature women. But since I’m a heterosexual female, my experience relates to “testing” males only.

I believe I came up with an excellent way to check if the man I’m dealing with is mature and “phase out” the immature guys. Please keep in mind I have a lot of respect for all people, both men, women, and other genders, and I don’t wish to demean anyone.

This is purely my experience as a cisgender female dating heterosexual and bisexual males who identify as men.

I remember the exact time I figured out this “maturity test.” I was driving with my ex-boyfriend at the time, who managed to screw up our relationship multiple times from the very beginning. The guy hurt me a lot, particularly because he was my first partner and the first love hurts the most.

I stayed friends with him and moved on quite fast. I was happy to keep the friendship, and I didn’t want to go back to dating him. And I had no issue meeting him once in a while and spend time together.

He went silent. As I tried to continue the conversation, he turned on the music and turned the volume up so he couldn’t hear what I was saying.

My boundaries were pretty bad back then — in my defense, I was barely over 20. The fellow introduced me to his friends right before offering to date, and he didn’t have the guts to tell them we broke up. Or maybe it wasn’t about having guts or not; he simply didn’t want to be the only loser in the group who was single.

And when I say “loser,” I mean it ironically: in my opinion, we can be happy while being single, and we shouldn’t care about what people think. But my ex didn’t seem to have the intellectual capacity to comprehend that.

He invited me to his friends’ child’s birthday, and we spent half of the day with them. His friends were operating under the impression of us being together — again; I was too kind and too nice to rat the liar out.

I should have told him we aren’t together and slam him by telling his friends what happened. But I took the high road and acted like a polite little girl.

After the party was over, my ex drove me home. As he was driving, we started talking about how some people have commitment issues and don’t want to get married even if they have children together. He made fun of some of his friends for not tying the knot after dating for almost ten years. I commented that his other friends had been together for 4, and they should have probably considered a marriage.

“Nah, [his friend’s name] doesn’t want to marry [the girlfriend’s name]. This is why he will probably never propose to her.”

“Who cares? — I replied. — All she has to do is propose herself.”

The guy laughed without realizing I wasn’t joking. I looked at him, surprised. He clearly didn’t know what kind of person I was.

“Yeah right, — he chuckled.”

“I’m not kidding. If I were in her place, I would have proposed to the guy. I’d have no problem doing that. In fact, I would have done it long before hitting a 4-year dating mark.”

He went silent. As I tried to continue the conversation, he turned on the music and turned the volume up so he couldn’t hear what I was saying. Very mature, right? In my defense, as I’m looking back at that joke-of-a-relationship, I start questioning my sanity. No wonder I was in a bad place mentally when I agreed to date the guy.

He didn’t say a word. He dropped me off at home and drove away.

The next evening, he sent me a long text. I felt like something like that was coming, so I wasn’t surprised. The short version would look like this:

“Hey, I think we are very different relationship-wise. You are looking for something accelerated, and I’m not. So we should move on and keep looking.”

I laughed while reading that. First of all, we weren’t dating at that point, and I had no clue why this even came up. And secondly, there it was — the ultimate maturity test for men. Or for women, or other genders too, I suppose?

But in my case, it was men. Or, should I say, boys. Because grown and mature men wouldn’t get scared and run away when they realize their girlfriends aren’t willing to wait around for ten years waiting for a proposal. Because having a penis doesn’t constitute being solely in charge of making life-altering decisions for another person, especially when those decisions affect their lives in every imaginable way.

I replied to the text saying how we’re only friends; I have no idea why he texted me all that. I also told him I get it and there is no problem. My text was short and showed how uninterested I was. I’m guessing this is exactly why the fellow ended up reaching out a month later asking for another chance to date me.

Men expect women to chase them and send them paragraphs of emotional messages. I can sometimes write super long texts, but I’m not chasing anyone.

If I were dating a real man, he wouldn’t have an issue with me being a confident, strong-willed, and ambitious woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. I’m not cut-throat or aggressive; on the contrary, I’m quite a soft person.

But I’m not waiting around for anyone to make up their mind about loving me and having a future together. So here’s the rule I suggest more women use:

Do you love this man and want to marry him?

1. No — — > Leave and don’t look back.

2. Yes

— > 2.1. Did he propose?

— — >2.1.1. Yes — — > Congratulations, you got yourself a confident partner who loves you!

— — >2.1.2. No — — > Go buy a ring and propose yourself. Or possibly not a ring, but a barbecue — many men who like to cook would appreciate that more than a ring.

3. Did he say “yes”?

— — >3.1. Yes — — > Congratulations, you’re now engaged!

— — >3.2. No — — > Congratulations, you now know the guy doesn’t see you as a part of his life and his future; you need to drop him ASAP and look for a real man who wants you.

Conclusion

Everyone has a different opinion about marriage, proposals, families, and many other topics. Many people don’t want to get married — and that’s totally fine! We should all do what we feel comfortable with, and it’s better to find a partner who thinks similarly.

But if you do wish to engage in marriage, waiting for someone to decide your fate isn’t an option.

There are men out there who would manipulate their partners knowing they want to get married. Some want casual relationships, but they would start dating without any intention of having a future with that person. They will gladly accept the girlfriend experience and use their partner as much as they can.

Well, guess what? A proposal solves this issue. If the guy says “no” to a proposal, you wish him good luck and leave.

The magical sentence that will determine the guy’s level of maturity is as follows:

“I have no problem proposing to a guy, and I would gladly do it myself.”

If he’s a grown man who respects women’s right to be equal and turns down the stupid closed-minded stereotypes, he won’t have an issue with it. But, if he’s an immature boy who also may want a less serious relationship, he will run away. And screw him if he does. Also, if the fellow is sexist or patriarchal, you will find that out too.

Don’t be afraid to go for things you want. Society taught us many ridiculous things, and men shouldn’t be the ones to propose to women exclusively. I’m a true believer in that, and I’ve been perpetuating this belief for many years.

You'll get 10% discount on trading fees.

You'll get 10% discount on trading fees.

Heart Affairs

Love and lust can be messy.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store